How to get and stay sober

Trigger warning: Mentions Suicide and Alcohol Abuse.

Maree McLean (Ngāi Tahu, Te Whānau-a-Apanui) is the author of self-published book The No Bullsh*t Guide to getting Sober and more recently, The No Bullsh*t Guide to Staying Sober.

Maree offers her pukapuka as a no-nonsense, call-to-action for those struggling with alcohol abuse. Whilst her first book is about getting sober, ‘The No Bullsh*t Guide to Staying Sober’ helps people to navigate the hurdles of maintaining sobriety.

“The getting sober part is the easy bit,” says McLean. “For the staying sober part, you need the help of others, who have struggled in those areas and to get real honest about your triggers.”

McLean began sharing advice on achieving sobriety after a personal battle with alcohol addiction. She had turned to the bottle after several major challenges in her life, including the death of her father, losing her brother Stu to alcoholism, and a divorce after 10 years of marriage.  

“I was just overwhelmed by consolidated grief and so then I started drinking, which chemically, is in my gene pool. The alcohol compounded with mental health, with grief, with finance issues and a broken heart. It just created the perfect storm.”

While teetering on the edge of taking her own life, McLean found the will to seek help after realising she was self-medicating for depression.

“That’s when I went to the Hau Ora center to see a psychologist,” she says. “I went in because I planned to end my life that day.”

After being told by the receptionist that there were no appointments available, Mclean explains that clinical psychologist, Paora Joseph, entered the waiting room by chance and caught a glimpse of her.

“He must have seen it because he looked at me and went ‘you’re not going anywhere’. He said: ‘I’ve got time, I will see you’.”

The help she received that day was the lifeline McLean needed.

This kōrero with Dr. Joseph led to a series of regular appointments, as well as meetings with other alcoholics, which kept her accountable. After 90 meetings in 90 days, she was dry.

This is when the real mahi began – the inner work. The part where you reach into your psyche and resurface with the crux of the addiction in-hand.

McLean describes this as the difference between being a dry-drunk and committing to sobriety.

"When I talk about dry drunk, what I'm talking about is not addressing the reason that you started to drink in the first place. So, if you're having to sit on your hands, every time someone opens a can of beer or pops a bottle of Lindauer, then you've kind of got one foot in sobriety and one foot out.”

When Maree had completed her course, unraveled her trauma, and started to work on healing, she began working at the Hauora centre she attributes to saving her life.

Helping others get sober sparked the idea of writing her first book. Once she had woven some words together, she sought funding from Puna Pākihi at Te Rūnanga o Ngāi Tahu to publish.

She received a Kickstart Grant and in 2022, The No Bullsh*t Guide to Getting Sober was selling in both book and audio form.

“I want to thank Puna Pakihi from the bottom of my heart. Ngāi Tahu has been instrumental in making sure my book was available as an audiobook for dyslexic and ADHD or depressed anxious readers and listeners in withdrawal or trauma who are trying to get sober. I couldn’t have done it without them. I appreciate every dollar and every friendly email,” McLean says.

Maree was later granted a Stay Up Grant from Puna Pākihi to publish The No Bullsh*t Guide to Staying Sober as well as her Journal, which offers a simple, structured approach to those who struggle amid the chaos of overcoming addiction.

With raw honesty, a bit of wit and sprinklings of humor, McLean helps people navigate the storm of substance abuse “so that [addicts and their whānau] never have to deal with what Stu and I and our whānau went through”.

“When you're getting sober, you're looking at your bullsh*t list of excuses for why you drink. But the real work comes in staying sober and maintaining sobriety, because you're doing the deep dive. [The books] talk about how to handle the deep dive, and that it's nowhere near as scary as you think. Like the shadows are just shadows. They're not real.”

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If you, or someone you love needs help, please call the Alcohol Drug Helpline 0800 787 797 
or text 8681 for support around alcohol and drugs, a free and confidential chat with a trained counsellor, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you think you, or someone you know, may be thinking about suicide, call 0508 TAUTOKO (0508 828 865) for support.

Buy 'The No Bullsh*t Guide to Getting Sober,' here  
Buy ‘The No Bullsh*t Guide to Staying Sober,’ here
Buy ‘The Journals,’ here